UT MARA Debating Society

It’s time for the inaugural UTMARA Awards for outstanding achievements behaviours. Since democracy is just for show here in UTMARA, I decided to arbitrarily give out the awards to those whom I think deserve them. Here are the award winners.

Congrats’ya’ll!
Best Cameo Appearance

“I’m back!”
Heads turned. Jaw dropped. Everyone stopped and stared when he entered the room.

Is this for real? Is he really back?? That’s right, Mohd Azahari Mazlan, 20 a.k.a Ayee is back ya’ll!

After his mysterious disappearance last year (well, changing campus is hardly mysterious, but let’s make it spicy… shall we?), he casually walked into the UTMARA training room, unperturbed by the exchange of puzzled, bewildered, shocked, confused and blank (Throng) looks.
Sadly, his exit was as sudden as his entrance. His is now nowhere to be found. But rumor has it that he’s quite a tease, that one.

He’ll keep you wanting more before his next cameo. When is it? Only time will tell.

Watch this space!

Best Cameo Disappearance

“Where did everybody go?”

A trip back from Singapore turned ugly when everyone’s lovable Kulimboy cum superstar cum idol, Throng, age unknown, went missing. The entire bus watched in horror as the UTMARA contingent, who’s on the way back from the Dorothy Cheung tournament, searched hysterically for Throng (bukan nama sebenar) in/under/on top of the bus.
“I swear he was just right here… I fell asleep and when I woke up, he was gone!” said Mai Mokhsein, who was sitting next to him. Just when everyone was ready to cope with his absence and move on with life, came a phone call from… wait for it… THRONG!
Turned out that he was left at the Alor Gajah R&R, when he went down to the toilet and soon realized that he was left behind. Wasting no time crying (well that’s according to him but his eyes were suspiciously watery when he reunited with the contingent), he stopped a car and demanded the horrified driver to drive him to the bus.

Happy tears were shed by the contingent when he returned on the bus. Throng, however, remained calm and nonchalantly returned to his seat, clearly unaffected by the incident.

You’re a survivor, Throng.
Heartbreaker of the year

“You wanna say that again?”

You’ve been warned about him. You’ve heard of his fury. You KNOW better than to piss him off because ‘Hell hath no fury’ like Hafiedz’s scorn. Many have encountered him, only few came out emotionally stable.

The rest ends up in tears, heartbroken and traumatized for life after being screamed/shouted/yelled at. He makes boys cry. He makes men weep. He makes girls binge on comfort food. That’s just the beginning of it. Reports claim that he has broken 13435 hearts in the year 2009.
Some blame it on PMS others think that it’s all stress. Efforts to calm him down (chocolates, presents, avoiding eye-contact) have proven to be a failure.

Whatever it is, Iqbal Hafiedz, 30, has won the Heartbreaker of the year Award, uncontested. This is his third time winning this award. A worrying trend, we would say. What’s more worrying is the devious smile he had on when informed of the award.

“Regardless of what you’ve heard about him, he truly is a great guy and he’s only like that because he cares.” Shila, President of UT MARA Debating Society, from her vacation spot in New York.

Update:  This just in. Our body language experts have reported that the President has made her comment under extreme duress. They could tell from her frantic blinking.

Best Sabbatical Award

Qayser… Sick of the glitz and glamour of debating.
Mohd Qayser, 20, is truly missed. He’s been absent from the debating scene for 6 months.

Que opened up about his tough decision to take a break during an emotional interview. “I had to take a break…and get away from everything, you know.” said the diva, who got teary.

“It’s been too overwhelming… making it to so many finals … I just need some time for myself. Some TLC for me, myself and I. I want to understand life.”

Que has abandoned his sleek, metrosexual look for a disheveled, unshaved hippy look which he insisted is necessary for his spiritual journey. The UTMARA academy hopes for his return to debating… and sanity … soon.

The ‘I Discovered a New Skill’ Award

Trainers have long noticed something peculiar about a particular Sarawakian boy… Every sentence in his speech seems to rhyme. Adjudicators note his special skill but cannot credit him for it.

Subsequently, he suffers in various tournaments.

Mohd Syafiq, 22, soon discovered that his skills are that of a wrapper (haha). From then on, Syafiq a.k.a MC Stiff (sounds wrong, if you ask me) has been conquering the Malaysian Hip Hop scene and making his way to stardom. Some say he’s next to the next best thing in hip hop.

We’re sure he’s where he is now because of the support of UTMARA and a beautiful, caring and not-at-all controlling girlfriend… whoever she is.

All-grown Up Award

“Parental consent forms? Pffft!”
Debate changes lives. So they claimed.

Everyone has a different testimony as to how the miraculous transformations happened. As for Aerie Rahman, 19, he claimed that debating has brought out man in him. That’s right. Long gone are his baby days. Remember that time when he asked for a parental consent letter to go to Australs?

Well, that was him before. Say hello to the new Aerie. He, who is living on the edge by travelling the world without parental consent forms. Awesome,no?

If that’s not the ultimate sign of machismo, I don’t know what is.

The Ultimate Fighter Award

Spot the ultimate fighter
Hailed as Fighter, the savior of Ut MARA, Tariq Azfar Maketab, (??), has persevered through many generations of debaters. Year in and year out, batches of debaters come and go but you’ll see a familiar, slightly aged face, eager to kick some vulnerable newbie butts. No one knows how long he’s been around.

No one knows when he plans to leave give up the fight. What we know is his fighting spirit and never-say-die attitude is that of a courageous soul.

Throughout the years, many dramatic retirement announcements have been made… followed by many dramatic comebacks. Recently, he made another announcement on Facebook that he‘s ready to leave the debating world… for good.

Watch out for the next comeback.
The Braveheart Award

“The sky is the limit…”

It is no secret that a training session at UTMARA can sometimes turn hostile especially when debaters accidentally blurt out not-so intelligent things in their speeches (Exhibit A: ‘Countries like Africa’. Exhibit B : ‘Back alley IVF’ Exhibit C : ‘Abortion lady’).

The golden rule to survive the wrath of trainers if you’re ever caught in this situation is to admit you’re wrong, shut it (crying will only encourage them) and pray for the moment to past…fast! This method has been proven to work through generations.
However there is a fine young man who defies this golden rule of survival.

He cares not about the wrath of the trainers. Neither does he care if what he said does not make sense. The tight-or-loose threat (inside joke) does not work on him either. Mohd Shafiq, 23, who’s a true believer in standing up for himself, will argue till the end… even if it’s to defend Africa as a country.

He has proven himself to be a defender of what he believes in and will argue with you until you drop it, darn it! His courageous act is akin to that of a warrior therefore he truly deserves this award.

Disclaimer:

Most of the award ‘Winners’ have consented to the publication of this article. The writer cannot be liable for oversensitivity. =)

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